More women choosing self-determination, independence over traditional expectations

Once defined by tradition, the concept of a modern family in China is evolving as more women choose to navigate life as single mothers, with independence as their compass.

Along the way they are redefining motherhood, balancing responsibility with freedom, and proving that fulfillment comes in many forms.

Four years ago, there were approximately 30 million single mothers in China, according to statistics from the Ministry of Civil Affairs. In families in which the parents divorced, only one in six fathers chooses to raise their children, meaning that 83 percent of these families are headed by single mothers, the data showed.

"The rising divorce rate is largely driven by women's increasing self-awareness and emotional disconnection in the digital age, yet society's support for single mothers remains insufficient," said Li Jiao, a counseling psychologist.

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Almost two in three, or 64.6 percent, of single mothers are hesitant to disclose their single-parent status, according to the 2018 Living Conditions and Needs of Single Mothers in Ten Cities report. This is primarily due to concerns about being judged or criticized by those around them, the respondents said.

When it came to openly acknowledging that their children were from a single-parent family, 50.5 percent of single mothers worried that their child might be perceived as flawed, while 37.7 percent were concerned their child would be excluded by their classmates.

"Single mothers face several key psychological challenges after divorce: internalized self-doubt due to societal bias, emotional withdrawal from the loss of a partner, and deep guilt over their children's well-being," said Li.

She believes to better support single mothers post-divorce, society needs to redefine family norms, establish relevant community services, implement government-led psychological counseling hotlines, and introduce preventive interventions.

Seizing back control

Single mother Guo Jia, 40, is one of the legions of independent women challenging traditional stereotypes and forging their own paths.

She is not only the founder of Shomiux, a cultural communications company, but also the leader of Mei Club, a female club in Beijing.

Her transition from married life to an independent entrepreneur and single mother reflects women's changing perceptions about family, success, and self-worth in modern China.

Guo's decision to divorce in 2019 was not made lightly. She recalls weighing the "cost-effectiveness" of her marriage, realizing that while she had grown and evolved, her partner had remained stagnant. With differing values, she found herself unable to accept the status quo.

"I believe in aligning actions with beliefs. If our mindsets don't match, forcing it only leads to more pain," said Guo.

Post-divorce, Guo had to reconstruct her life financially and emotionally, and also as a mother to her now 8-year-old son.

She took her passion for women's empowerment and transformed it into a business. What started in 2017 as a personal quest, had by 2024 become a full-fledged operation with 80 employees.

Becoming a business leader was fueled by a strong sense of purpose, she said. "Freedom is not just a legal status; it's also a social and emotional state. The label of 'single mother' carries weight, but I see it as a badge of courage. It means I had the strength to walk away from a situation that no longer served me."

She acknowledges the challenges single mothers face. "People often assume we are struggling or pitiful, but I refuse to accept that narrative. I control my own life," said Guo.

Therapy and a strong support network have helped her, ensuring she remains mentally strong for herself and her child.

Guo's women's club, meanwhile, caters to women aged 30 to 45, whether single, married, or divorced. The goal is mutual support and growth.

"One member came to us devastated after her husband cheated and financially exploited her. Over time, she transformed into a confident, independent woman. Watching her journey also made me stronger," said Guo.

The club provides networking, career development, and emotional support through events and mentorship. "It's not about rejecting men or marriage; it's about being independent enough to choose what's best for yourself," said Guo.

For her son, Guo aims to lead by example. She balances work and parenting, ensuring he spends time with both his parents while maintaining her own space.

Her ultimate message to other single mothers is one of self-love and resilience. She believes single mothers are not defined by their marital status but by their strength, ambition, and the lives they choose to build.

"Being a single mother is not a setback — it's a choice, a testament to strength, and a different way of living. We don't need to prove anything to the world; we just need to live fully, love ourselves, and show the next generation that independence and happiness can go hand in hand," said Guo.

Healthier apart

Cheng Kaixi, 37, a global marketing and communication professional for an advertising technology company based in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, balances a high-pressure career with being a parent.

"The decision to end my eight-year marriage wasn't easy, but one moment stands out. I was picking up my husband's discarded laundry when I asked myself, 'Why do I still need this marriage? What is it truly bringing me?'" said Cheng.

She said, the traditional marriage model carried emotional and logistical burdens that extended beyond love, including care-giving, managing the household, and fulfilling societal expectations. Her ideal husband is a good partner, devoted father, and reliable provider.

"As I realized how absent he was in parenting, and our growing emotional distance, I understood that I didn't need the marriage to survive," said Cheng.

The hardest part was explaining the situation to her 11-year-old daughter and 6-year-old son.

"It was a delicate conversation. I wanted them to know that this wasn't about failure, but about creating a healthier life for all of us," said Cheng.

Surprisingly, leaving the marriage didn't require as much "rebuilding" as expected, as she had already shouldered most responsibilities on her own, she said. Yet, the financial strain grew as she became the sole provider for her daughter and aging parents. The boy is in the care of the father.

"Expenses like tuition fees, property costs, and daily needs increased. But rather than being burdened, I embraced the challenge. It taught me how strong and resilient I truly am," said Cheng.

She also believes in the importance of maintaining a sense of self. She is no longer just a mother consumed with the responsibilities of keeping the family together, but a woman who has embraced both independence and fulfillment, finding a balance between her personal and family life.

"Personal time is essential. I take at least half a day each weekend for myself — whether it's reading in a cafe, taking tennis lessons, or enjoying drinks with friends. These moments recharge me and help me remain a fulfilled person, not just a mother," said Cheng.

Despite her personal growth, she acknowledges the social stigma attached to single motherhood. Even her own mother hesitated about telling some relatives, as she was embarrassed and unsure how to explain the situation.

Her friends admire Cheng for her strength and they call her the most energetic single mother they know.

Although she faces challenges, Cheng remains hopeful about starting a new relationship, and is open to remarrying.

"I have learned to communicate better and understand myself more deeply. I hope for a relationship that's mature, equal, and nurturing," said Cheng.

She believes that single mothers are not fragments of a broken family, but a new definition of completeness, where love, strength, and an unyielding belief in the future are the foundations.

"Society needs to see us in our full complexity — we are professionals, caregivers, friends and individuals with dreams and ambitions. What we need is understanding and support — better child care policies, a fairer workplace, and more inclusive societal attitudes," she said.

Finding inner courage

Not all women find themselves on the path to single motherhood by choice. For some, divorce brings years of legal battles, emotional struggles, and the challenge of rebuilding both themselves and their family.

For Chen Jing, 43, her journey began over a decade ago. At the age of 33, she found herself in a marriage that no longer aligned with her personal values or aspirations. She had a growing realization that her relationship with her husband had stagnated, and they were no longer on the same path.

Chen yearned for growth — professionally, personally, and through new experiences. Their differing views on family priorities, parenting, and future goals, ultimately created an irreparable rift in their relationship.

The divorce, though painful, was the first step toward reclaiming her life. Like many single mothers, she worried about her child's well-being and the judgment she might face from society.

"At first, I feared that people would label me as a failure, seeing only the end of my marriage, not realizing the courage it took for me to make a choice for myself and my child. But eventually, I let go of that fear, because I realized that to live authentically and pursue what was right for us, I needed to be free from those expectations," she said.

Chen knew that rebuilding her life was essential, not just for her, but for her child. Financial independence became a priority, and she excelled in her human resources career at a Fortune 500 company.

Through therapy, introspection, and working on herself, she also regained her confidence and realized her true worth.

"I used to believe that I was broken, but through this journey, I learned I was a fighter," said Chen.

In 2021, Chen remarried and gave birth to a second son. Her goal to take her children abroad became a reality, and the family moved to various countries, including North America, Europe, and Africa. These international experiences shaped her perspective on parenting and education, and she now emphasizes the values of independence, resilience, and cultural appreciation in raising her children.

Earlier this year, Chen became a certified relationship coach after taking a course on relationship culture.

She now works to empower women, especially single mothers, to understand their worth, set healthy boundaries, and design lives that reflect their true desires. "The more I worked on myself, the more I realized that my purpose was to help others discover their own strength," said Chen.

Marriage registrations fall

The changes to family structures, particularly an apparent reluctance to marry, are reflected in civil affairs data compiled in recent years.

In 2024, there were 6.11 million marriage registrations and 2.62 million divorce registrations nationwide, according to Ministry of Civil Affairs statistics.

This compares with 7.68 million marriages and 2.59 million divorces in 2023. The year-on-year changes represent a 20.5 percent drop in marriages and a 1.08 percent increase in divorces.

In the first quarter of this year, there were 1.81 million marriage registrations and 630,000 divorce registrations, with the number of marriage registrations further declining compared to the first quarter of 2024, according to the latest data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs.

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Gu Xiaodan, a lawyer at Shanghai Golden Trust Law Firm, has extensive experience in family law and has witnessed firsthand the hurdles faced by single mothers. With the increasing divorce rate, single motherhood is no longer seen as unusual, she said.

"One of the biggest challenges single mothers face is the inadequate enforcement of child support rulings," Gu said.

"Marriage laws today focus more on protecting original assets and the rights of minors, rather than solely emphasizing traditional family structures," said Gu, who has observed a shift in how courts handle divorce cases, reflecting broader societal changes in attitudes toward single mothers.

While acknowledging progress has been made, Gu stressed there is still room for improvement.

"The law provides a framework for justice, but true support comes from the community. More initiatives — such as accessible legal aid, counseling services, and workplace policies that accommodate single parents — are needed to truly empower single mothers," she said.

Ultimately, Gu believes that single mothers should not just be seen as individuals in need of legal protection but as strong, independent women who deserve recognition and support. "Divorce is not the end of stability — it can be the beginning of a new, self-determined chapter," she said.

Contact the writer at sunnyu923@163.com