Two recent incidents caught my attention, and I see these incidents as symptomatic of the urgent need to make LIFE — Love, Insight, Fortitude, and Engagement — education mandatory in Hong Kong.

Both incidents are sad. The first one involves a mother who fell to her death, followed by her 12-year-old daughter about 10 hours later. The mother, who killed herself, was a social worker with the Social Welfare Department of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region government. The 48-year-old, who had no record of mental illness, had argued with her daughter about “education problems” early in the morning before she jumped from her bedroom window.

It is unfortunate that even a professional social worker did not realize that education is for the benefit of the student and for the family, so they can better enjoy life! Education should never make life miserable for children.

Yes there is competition, very intense competition in life, and parents want their children to have a competitive edge against other competitors. But winning competitions is not the purpose of life. Parents should always advise their children just to be the best they can be. In competitions, some will win and some will lose. But success in competitions is not the purpose of life. Making the most out of life given the life that we have, rather, is the purpose. Parents should help their children understand this and guide them to better organize their studies and improve their learning skills. School work does play a role: some subjects improve our reasoning skills; all schoolwork requires time management; reflection; communication. Parents should always take examination results as being of secondary importance. Learning to be a person with a strong sense of responsibility and understanding priorities in life, caring for one’s own personal development, caring for the family, caring for the community, caring for the nation, and caring for the world, are all much more important than examination results.

It was natural for the daughter, shocked by the suicide of her mom, to develop a sense of guilt, even though the sense of guilt was not necessary and was indeed counterproductive. It was good that her emotions were assessed by doctors, nurses, and social workers before she was sent home. Was she advised that her mother who loves her would just like to see her live a good life and realize her dreams? That what has happened has happened? And that she should just focus on living well and developing her strengths and finding her dream?

The other incident involved a male teacher’s sexual assaults on his student, which continued for five years. According to the girl, the teacher had in the first instance described likened his relationship with her to that of brother and sister. Still, she sensed that he had wanted her to be his lover after graduating from her school. While questioned in court, she said she was at a loss as to where to get help. She said sexuality education in Hong Kong did not equip her with the skills or knowledge to deal with advances from her teacher.

Parents should always remind their children that their love for them will never change. This will help build a sense of psychological safety. With it and with humility, your children are ready for personal growth

I have maintained for a long time that sexuality education should be part of life education; it should help build a sense of respect for life and a sense that everybody should be respected as an equal human being and must not be forced or tricked into doing something against his or her will. The fact that the suspect is a teacher and the victim his student is alarming. To me, all teachers must have a good training in life education, care for the long-term wellbeing of their students, and set a good example to their students.

Life education is education about Love, which is a genuine care for life and the well-being of oneself, that of one’s family, and that of others in the community and in the world. Insight or wisdom is about the “how” of Love. Without knowing the how of Love, loving parents could put too much pressure on their children, in particular treating examination results as more important than their mental well-being. Both Love and Insight must be nurtured over a long stretch of time, often by social modeling. Loving parents who understand the difference between ends, means, and priorities, and who humbly self-reflect, will likely bring up children with this important mental capital. Living out love and wisdom day to day is Engagement, and through this we gain Fortitude or resilience.

Parents should expect that children will sometimes have setbacks in examinations. All setbacks are normal and indeed part of life. Children need to go through setbacks and disappointments. Parents should always support them and show that they always love them, regardless of how they do in examinations.

Just as positive mental capital like love, insight, fortitude, and engagement needs to be built over time, negative mental capital like arrogance, ignorance, anger, lack of self-control, and greed also build over time. If parents set bad examples, children will “learn” or acquire negative mental capital. If social media keep feeding bad examples, children will follow suit.

Parents should always remind their children that their love for them will never change. This will help build a sense of psychological safety. With it and with humility, your children are ready for personal growth.

The author is an honorary research fellow at the Pan Sutong Shanghai-Hong Kong Economic Policy Research Institute, Lingnan University, and an adjunct professor at the Academy for Applied Policy Studies and Education Futures, the Education University of Hong Kong.

The views do not necessarily reflect those of China Daily.