With limited time and less motivation, young people look to new types of relationships

The concept of friendship has become more fluid in modern China, with shared life stages and brief but more meaningful interactions replacing old notions of unchanging best friends and rigid social circles.

These changes are reflected in the growing dazi phenomenon where partners, who are not necessarily friends, are sought for activities such as dining and travel.

Other social trends such as "greeting disorders" and "telephone phobia" have grabbed attention in recent years, with young people claiming they don't have the time or inclination to form deep friendships due to the pressures of modern life, Sichuan Daily reported.

"In today's fast-paced society, friendship is more fluid," said Xie Weihan, a researcher from the School of Social and Public Administration at East China University of Science and Technology.

"Dazi connections prioritize situational interaction over deep emotional investment, offering companionship without the burden while protecting personal spaces".

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The Insights into 2024 Social Media Trends report by Soul App revealed that young people today have an average of just two close friends.

Nearly one-quarter said they lacked someone they could truly confide in, making them more isolated.

The average time young people spend with friends is 8.25 hours a week, the report said, but in major cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou and Shenzhen in Guangdong province it is only 7.94 hours. When asked about their ideal friendship, 54 percent said they preferred to "stay in frequent contact but still maintain their personal space".

The younger generation is also choosing "zero-sugar" socializing by staying in regular contact with friends while preserving their personal space, according to a Beijing Daily story published in November. The phrase, which borrows from beverage marketing, conveys the idea that people feel "lighter and stress-free", the report said.

According to the 2024 National Time Use Survey Bulletin (Third Edition), after deducting time spent on entertainment and fitness activities, individuals in China only have about 3.5 hours of free time per day. Actual time spent on social activities averages less than 20 minutes, the survey said.

Filling the void

Aware of the changes, groups such as Li Siqi's, a psychological counselor in her 30s, are trying to provide updated and comfortable ways for people to meet and make friends.

In 2023, she co-founded a small social club in Kunming, Yunnan province. Born from a need to ease post-pandemic loneliness, the club now hosts up to four social events every week.

"After years of working in corporate mental health planning, especially for banks and companies, I saw how the pandemic changed everything. Budgets were cut, and stress skyrocketed. Everyone was just going from home to work and back again, stuck in a repetitive loop. Even those who weren't single felt an aching social void," said Li.

The themed gatherings include "Meet a Stranger" and "Wine and Talk" evenings as well as meditation sessions and holiday-inspired dinners.

The social events aim to try and rekindle face-to-face connections.

"People often say they're 'I' types — introverted or reserved — but I've seen so many of those same people stay until the very end of an event, opening up, laughing, sharing," said Li. "Everyone wants to make a connection and they just need the right setting."

Carefully designed for emotional safety and spontaneity, her events typically host 20 people, with card games, conversation prompts and specific pairings to break the ice. Some events revolve around shared interests like mindfulness, while others offer a space to talk about stress, loneliness, or personal growth.

Li sees these functional relationships, like dazi, not being a lesser form of friendship, but a reflection of modern realities. "People today are more self-aware. They want relationships that make sense for them. That's not a loss — it's clarity," she said.

Her events have sparked surprising transformations in the participants.

A PhD graduate who returned from studying overseas once sat silently during the events, but he now confidently leads group conversations. Others have formed support circles and work partnerships — and one couple who met in the group even got married.

As the social fabric of urban life continues to shift, Li and her team believe they are offering new ways for friendships to develop.

"There's something healing about being seen and heard without an agenda. The goal isn't to collect people — it's to collect moments. If someone leaves feeling more seen, more at ease, then we've done our job," said Li.

Band of brothers

Su Tu, a brand designer in her early 30s from Guangdong, values deep, lasting connections over surface-level interactions.

She takes inspiration from six famous singers — Chen Chusheng, Su Xing, Wang Yuexin, Zhang Yuan, Wang Zhengliang, and Lu Hu.

The entertainers, who first connected during the 2007 singing competition Super Boy, have navigated the highs and lows of fame over the past 15 years, including moments of financial struggle. Despite the challenges, they humorously refer to themselves as "once jobless singers now reemployed". They star in the reality TV show Friends where they live together in a picturesque countryside villa in Qingshanpu town, Changsha, Hunan province. The show, as well as other shows Welcome to the Mushroom House and Go For Happiness, captures the singers' camaraderie, candid conversations and impromptu musical performances.

"Trust, understanding and shared experiences form a stable bond. These six close friends prove it; through fame, decline, and rebuilding, they've stayed connected for 18 years. That's true mutual understanding," said Su.

Her fandom has also helped her social circle grow.

As a fan and illustrator, she created artwork capturing the singers' journey — from behind-the-scenes moments to a cover image for the song for their 2024 Spring Festival Gala debut. Su even designed the poster for the show Go For Happiness Season 3.

"I have met so many people who share this emotion — not just online, but in real life too," Su said of the example set by the singers' friendships.

"We don't have to be in sync every day. We're like different instruments in an ensemble — independent, but ready to jam anytime," she said.

Su now prioritizes "long-cycle" relationships by watching how the six friends support each other through career droughts and personal challenges — whether it's recommending gigs, teasing each other ruthlessly, or quietly offering backup vocals.

Some friends might become silent as the years progress, but true friendship never ends, she said. "They've taught me that good friends don't always need to agree or talk every day, but they show up when it matters. They forgive easily. And they make memories together on purpose," said Su.

She continues to juggle her life, design work, and ever-expanding community of fellow fans while her sense of connection has deepened.

"Maybe as we age, the people who accompany us most are our buddies, but those who don't accompany us all the time can still be lifelong friends," said Su.

Beyond the 'bestie'

In Beijing, 38-year-old Zhang Rui transformed her view of friendship from one of constant emotional sharing into making more functional, purpose-driven connections after leaving her human resources job in 2015 to become a full-time homemaker and mother of two.

"In the office, my life had structure — projects, performance reviews, lunches with colleagues. Friendships were naturally built into that work rhythm as we'd support each other through deadlines; that bond was everything," said Zhang.

But once she left the workforce, she noticed a gradual shift in her relationships. Without regular office interaction, many of her professional connections faded away.

"It wasn't anyone's fault. Life just moved on. I suddenly found myself alone at home with a baby, while others were busy in meetings or on business trips," said Zhang.

Motherhood created a new social environment of family-related WeChat groups, school forums, and weekend playdates.

"The conversations now are all about kids — what classes to take, where to go during the holidays, which summer camps are worth the price. It's practical and necessary, but it's not the same kind of friendship where you share dreams or late-night frustrations," said Zhang.

Longing for a deeper connection, she began yoga classes in 2019. What began as a desire for exercise became a lifeline. At the yoga studio, she met women in similar life stages — mothers, freelancers and career-leavers — all seeking space to reconnect with themselves.

"Yoga is my escape — the one hour I can forget being a mom and wife and just breathe. We laugh, and talk about food, aging and body image. It's light, but it's real," said Zhang.

Her love of art and live music has also brought unexpected companionship. With a small group of friends, she attends gallery shows and concerts.

"Listening to my favorite band or standing before a painting with someone who understands — I'm just me," she said.

However, even as her social life became more diversified, Zhang recently dealt with painful silence from a close friend, she once considered a "soulmate".

"There was no fight, it was just silence. We used to talk every day. Suddenly, she stopped replying. I kept wondering what I had done wrong," said Zhang.

This difficult experience pushed her to rethink the idea of friendship. "When I was younger, friendship meant constant contact, sharing everything. Now I see that real friendship is about showing up when it counts," she said.

Zhang said she now embraces a "functional approach" to social relationships.

"I don't need to be everything to everyone. It's OK to have friends I hike with; friends I talk about parenting with; and friends I dance with at music festivals. Each of them reflects a part of me," said Zhang.

Balancing motherhood, her relationship, and her own needs, Zhang believes she is building a new social landscape shaped by purpose and sincerity.

"True friendship isn't how often you talk; but respect, quiet loyalty, and freedom to be authentic — even in silence," said Zhang.

The walk of life

While many young people prefer lighter, more flexible personal connections, middle-aged adults often embrace a quieter, practical approach to companionship.

"Friendship is built on trust from shared experiences. I no longer expect too much. After the age of 30, I realized friendship should be calm and light, like water," said Wang Jia, a freelance exhibitions curator in his 40s based in Shanghai.

Wang described himself as someone who once had deeper emotional connections with friends, especially during his youth and early career years.

"Back then, we shared everything — dreams, heartbreaks, late night talks. Now, most of my social circle comes from work, and we rarely touch on our personal lives," said Wang, who noted that the demands of adulthood — career, marriage, and parenting — naturally push friendships into the background.

As life progresses, friendships often quietly fade away without conflict, as people drift in different directions.

"I learned to turn inward, to find companionship within myself. The more I did that, the less urgent friendship felt," said Wang. He even has a motto he often tells his daughter — "People always leave".

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Still, the power of friendship can surprise. About a year ago, Wang found his high school yearbook. The handwritten notes and drawings from old classmates felt like time travel. A sketch by his best friend imagining Wang's future moved him deeply.

"Seeing what my classmates wrote, especially the drawing from my best friend imagining who I'd become, made me cry. It felt like a door opened, reminding me of who I was and who I might still become," said Wang.

He believes this shows even long-dormant friendships can offer moments of clarity and strength. In today's fast-paced, digital world, Wang believes that friendship has become more fragmented.

"The kind of friendship I value might seem rare now. But maybe it's just that the new generation sees it differently," he said.

Wang values enduring friendship, but also understands the rise of casual dazi companionship for lunch or going to the gym. "My marriage is like a long-term dazi partnership — we team up for life," he joked.

Ultimately, Wang sees friendship not as a destination but as companionship on life's journey.

"It's nice to have someone walk beside you, but you still have to know where you're going. A friend can share part of the journey and offer comfort, but they can't walk the road for you," said Wang.