Documentary tackles the stigma and struggles of women looking for love in the big city, Wang Qian reports.

Freelancer Dong Jiaqi, who is featured as one of the single women in the documentary Hard Love, plays golf in her spare time. (PHOTO PROVIDED TO CHINA DAILY)

For Dong Xueying, romance has been one of her life goals. The only question is when it will come. The 38-year-old documentary director is ready for love, but she can feel the social stigma toward single women, especially those in their 30s. Her own experiences inspired her documentary Hard Love, which premiered in cinemas on March 18 and explores the life of single women in modern society.

The 97-minute film follows the stories of five single women working in Beijing, aged from 28 to 38－Zhou Hongmei, a beipiao ("Beijing drifter"), freelancer Dong Jiaqi, single mother Li Tao, businesswoman Tan Jing and musician Yue Er.

"Through the lens, I want to look into why it is increasingly difficult for educated women in big cities to find love, and encourage viewers to talk about and discuss the issue," Dong Xueying says, adding that the film doesn't have all the answers, but presents diversified views, not just a "happily ever after".

"It is a documentary that makes you laugh and think," Dong Xueying says.

Businesswoman Tan Jing (right) says goodbye to her parents at the airport, before flying to the United States. (PHOTO PROVIDED TO CHINA DAILY)

The documentary starts at a matchmaking corner in a Beijing park, where parents seek out potential partners for their children, with cardboard signs listing matchmaking criteria, such as age, height, job, salary and family background. According to the seventh national census last year, China has 220 million unmarried people, accounting for 13.3 percent of people aged 20 or above.

Behind the simple information on the signs are tens of thousands of complex individuals, like white-collar worker Zhou.

Born in a village in Zibo, Shandong province, Zhou has tried various matchmaking services, online and in person. Aged 28 at the time of filming, the woman is not satisfied with her matchmaking resume.

"On the sheet, there is so little about me, like my interests, personality and dreams, just material things," she complains in the documentary.

In her father's eyes, she is outstanding in the village, but he still jokes about her as "a loser", because she hasn't brought a man back home. In the traditional view, for women, marriage should come before a career.

In the matchmaking market, any woman older than her late 20s is at a disadvantage. It is harder for women at an older age, with a successful career, to meet a marriageable man.

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This may explain why businesswoman Tan cannot find her Mr Right. Starting up her own business in California's Silicon Valley, the United States' tech hub, she is the former co-head of Uber China's strategic operations. She recalls that some men, on the first date, found her too ambitious, and even called her "teacher Tan", chiding her vision.

"I have never cried for a man, but only shed tears for Uber China," Tan says, adding that there have been so many things to try in life, which she considers more interesting than dating.

Her interests are broad, which include running marathons, sailing and mountain climbing.

Without feeling the pressure to get into a long-term relationship, Tan, 33 at the time of filming, chose to freeze her eggs at a clinic in Los Angeles, because studies show a woman's fertility decreases at an accelerated rate from the age of 35. It is a way of putting her reproductive future on hold.

But director Dong Xueying emphasizes that the procedure is not for everyone and is not a decision to be taken lightly, with physical, mental or financial factors to be considered.

However, this is not an issue for single mother Li, who was 38 at the time of filming, and already has a lovely daughter. Recovering from a messy divorce, she has become a livestreaming host, which means she has more time to spend with her child. Previously, she was an actress, whose resume includes the films One Mile Above and Ganglamedo.

Single mother Li Tao accompanies her daughter. (PHOTO PROVIDED TO CHINA DAILY)

In the documentary, she has gone through the stress of moving homes and is wrestling with the dilemma of balancing life as a single parent of a sick child and maintaining a career.

There is a scene in the documentary featuring Li as she hosts a livestream wearing the costumes of Dongfang Bubai, a character in Louis Cha's novel The Smiling, Proud Wanderer. The character is a formidable leader who castrates himself to be able to master the world's most powerful martial art.

Dong Xueying invokes the character to indicate that women are becoming independent and strong these days. Facing these challenges, Li insists that "a woman should not find a man just because she needs someone to shoulder responsibility".

During another livestream on Valentine's Day, Li, wearing a bride's veil, expresses hope that all her followers will marry for love.

Musician Yue Er enjoys a glass of wine. (PHOTO PROVIDED TO CHINA DAILY)

For musician Yue Er, she feels that dating apps make it easier to meet new people, but harder to find real love. In the documentary, she just ended a heartbreaking relationship and welcomed her 30th birthday in tears.

"I am the kind of woman who must be always nurtured by love," she says in the film. She meets a funny man through a dating app. They hang out together and meet each other's friends, but there is no further commitment.

In stark contrast to the cool musician, Dong Jiaqi, born in 1995, is more like a neighbor's sister who is obsessed with Hello Kitty.

In the documentary, she can be seen participating in matchmaking activities, like blind dating and speed dating, but most men appear disappointed upon learning her age.

"The struggles and doubts presented in the film are familiar to many women in modern society, which are worth recording and being seen," Dong Xueying says.

She selected the five women from more than 20 candidates, recording their lives for more than 300 hours in eight cities across three countries.

Data reflects that settling down is not easy for people today. Last year, 7.63 million couples registered for marriage, the lowest number since 2003, according to the latest figures from the National Bureau of Statistics.

The average age of a woman's first marriage in China is indeed on the rise, especially in big cities. Take Shanghai for example, in 2019, the average age of a woman's first marriage in Shanghai was 29.09 years old, up from 21.4 in 1990, according to Shanghai Women's Federation.

As one of an increasing number of single women, Dong Xueying decided to put female singleness on screen, enabling this social phenomenon to be seen and talked about by more people.

Rated 7.5 points out of 10 by 4,800 users on review platform Douban as of Monday, many viewers comment that the documentary honestly reflects the challenges and changes that single women face in big cities.

The film was selected for the West Lake International Documentary Festival and awarded an Excellent Proposal award. It participated in the 24th Shanghai International Film Festival and the 11th Beijing International Film Festival.

A Douban user, named Beidao Chunzi, comments that, "It will be a good dialogue starter for parents and children, women and men." Another one named Still-Life comments that, "Life is hard, but love should be soft."

"I personally pursue lifelong marriage, but in the documentary, I'm careful not to present finding love as the only answer," Dong Xueying says.

Last year, off-screen, single mother Li found love and got married to a man, 15 years younger than her. After the outbreak of COVID-19, Zhou left Beijing and started a business with her brother in Yantai, Shandong.

At the end of the documentary, Tan says: "In the new year, I will continue to realize my dream and keep on improving myself. It will be better if I am fortunate to encounter a man who shares similar goals."